u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
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He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
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Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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