he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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