roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
3pm strippers are depressing
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
