oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
why do cheetos always look like penises
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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