I haven't been this sober since birth.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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