The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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