I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
