Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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