oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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