so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
