i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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