My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
