Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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