Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
