note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
