my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
