There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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