Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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