I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
