I think im going to throw up on grandma
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
