And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
