He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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