i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
