Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
