I feel great
I just peed on a car
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
