Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There's always time for handjobs
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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