Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
