This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
