I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
