i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
