oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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