How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
