You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
