If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
