Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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