Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
