He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
