I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
