i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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