Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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