Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
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The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
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There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
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