there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
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