The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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