I cut my penus on the lid.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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