Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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