is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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