I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
