Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
