They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
