wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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