If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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