i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
