I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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