maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
