he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Houston, we have a blender
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
