he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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