All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
