i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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