Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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