Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
