first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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