I cannot find my penis.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
