i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
