In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
