Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
