i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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