I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
