I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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